


Always yours

by Kissa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Confessions, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, gray ace Jace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa
Summary: I tweaked the timeline and the events a bit, and Jace told Alec he died at Lake Lyn.They are mending the parabatai bond, and Alec is the one having the nightmares now. Until...
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	Always yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nadja_Lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts), [Polarnacht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/gifts).



> There are brief mentions of past sexual abuse and past child abuse, but they are not described.

Alec wakes up in the middle of the night, shaking from his latest nightmare.  
  
He’s at Lake Lyn, in the dark, with Jace and Clary, and Valentine still kills Jace. And he can do fuck all to stop it. All he is good for is seeing the life drain out of his parabatai’s eyes as the pain from the disappearing rune on his body slices through him like the blade that cut through Jace.  
  
Jace had tears in his eyes when he died, he was sorry for the things he couldn’t prevent, for the tough choices he couldn’t make.  
  
Alec knows he couldn’t have done any better. Sure, he is the bitter one, the stoic one, the one who sees bad things coming from a mile away because he is just used to expecting the worst, because that’s all he was ever worthy of. But he can’t hold it against Jace for wanting to believe his father would not discard him like that.  
  
He switches on the small lamp on his bedside table and he watches Jace, who is sleeping peacefully in his arms, cheek pressed against Alec’s chest.  
  
The Silent Brother who checked Jace when he returned recommended that he spend some time close to his parabatai, to regain some power and to bring their bond back to its previous, whole and deep state.  
  
No one, absolutely no one said anything when the Silent Brother told Alec to let his parabatai sleep next to him in his bed, so that both Jace and the bond can heal faster.

Now Jace is here with him, warm, sleepy, smelling like citrus and cakes, a very pure and innocent smell that Alec associates with happiness and the best things in life. For the first time in long, Jace sleeps peacefully, but it would seem the nightmares didn’t leave, they are only plaguing the other side of the bond. Alec.  
  
Soon, Jace wakes up and looks at Alec, who is caressing small circles on his back, more for his own comfort than Jace’s.  
  
“What?” Jace asks, the sleepiness melting away in a heartbeat when he sees the tears welling up in Alec’s eyes.  
  
“Don’t ever leave me, Jace.” Alec says, his voice breaking like it hasn’t done since he was growing up. “I don’t know how to be without you. I need you.”  
  
“I don’t want to leave you, I never do. But stuff happens that might sometimes call me away…”  
  
“You are mine. Not Valentine’s, not Clary’s… mine.” Alec says, and to his own ears he sounds unstable and unwell.

“I am, I’ve always been only yours, Alec.” Jace says, rubbing his face against Alec’s chest, coming up to lie down directly on top of Alec.  
  
The words fry Alec’s brain and he tries to sort through memories and evidence, but all he remembers is his jealousy and his feeling left behind and out at seeing all the girls kiss Jace. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s always someone kissing Jace, not the other way around. Even Clary.  
  
“Valentine,” Jace starts, no longer referring to the man as father, “he took so much from me, I never felt my body was really mine. He put runes on me when I was too small to consent. He punished me with pain to make me bend to his will, he forged me into a weapon of his own design. He gave me angel blood not knowing what it would do to me.” 

Alec listened, his heart bleeding for Jace. At least when he had come to live with them, the physical abuse had stopped. But what a nightmare to grow up through, he thought, and he pictured himself hugging a five year old Jace, protecting him from the man who claimed to be his father.

“Other people have taken things from me, and there’s not much of me left to give. But if I had a choice, it would always be you. Law or no law.”  
  
Alec wasn’t sure what exactly Jace was telling him, but he could feel the loneliness behind those words through the bond, and he leaned in, placing a small, shy kiss to Jace’s lips. It was chaste and dry, but it made Jace shiver with delight in Alec’s arms.  
  
Jace wormed himself higher up on top of Alec, looking for the best position to kiss him back. Still unassuming and dry, but with a nip to Alec’s lower lip.  
  
Alec could almost feel his soul darkening when he whispered, “that is not how I love you, Jace. Not how I need you. I want… everything.”  
  
Jace closed his eyes, smiling and leaning close again.  
  
“It’s yours, it’s yours Alec, all of me.” He said, before slanting his lips against Alec’s and kissing him for real, pouring all of his longing into that one kiss.

Their hands entwine on the pillow on either side of Alec’s head and they move against each other, their names now breathless moans between them. Their pants are soon exiled from the bed, and they grind into each other until they come together, almost at the same time, smiling for what feels like the first time in forever. They are sticky and messy, but this feels right. 

Jace goes to the bathroom and brings a wet towel to clean them up with, before they put their pants back on and snuggle back together. They would be doing a lot more if Jace didn’t decide that what he has in mind absolutely cannot happen without an ingredient he can get from any pharmacy.  
  
“Isn’t it something a warlock can cook up for us?” Alec innocently asks, wanting to be helpful.  
  
“Oh trust me, I do not want a single warlock knowing what I need lube for.” Jace replies, and Alec blushes at hearing the word “lube”.  
  
“I want to be so good for you, Jace. Make you forget all the people who treated you wrong before.”  
  
“You are, Alec. You already do.” Jace says, kissing Alec again, sweetly, slowly. “Now let’s get some more sleep, who knows what tomorrow will throw at us.”  
  
Now, when sleep comes again, no nightmares are around to gnaw at Alec. Only the sweetest dreams of Jace close to him. 

And not a trace of the loneliness is left in the bond - from either side.  
  
  
(the end)


End file.
